The Main Squeeze
by GAvillain
Summary: Sora has a big announcement make and with so much hype building up to it, speculation is bound to happen. Just a one-shot. Rated T because I don't think it's harsh enough for an M.


**AN: This is probably the most messed up thing I've ever written and I have no idea what possessed me to create this fanfic, but here it is. Don't ask me how any of it makes sense, I don't know myself.**

"I wonder what's taking Sora so long," Kairi said to Riku.

The two of them were sitting on the Paopu tree, waiting for Sora. Earlier today, Sora told them that he had a big announcement to make and that he wanted both of them to be there when he told them.

"Give him all the time he needs," Riku replied, "It's his last day in the closet. Tomorrow's a hurricane of new problems. He's gonna come out, no pun intended, as a whole new person."

"Come out? In the closet?" Kairi asked perplexed, "You're crazy Riku. His big announcement is so obviously that he's going to ask me to marry him!"

Kairi sighed and stared off into space, a dreamy gleam in her eyes.

"Uh, Kairi," Riku said, "You two are only sixteen."

"So?" Kairi responded, "Aurora got married at sixteen. Heck, Snow White was married at fourteen!"

"You're crazy," Riku grunted.

Kairi hopped off of the tree and put her hands on her hips.

"And what makes you so sure that he's going to come out of the closet?"

"Well," Riku stuttered, "He's so obviously gay. I mean, c'mon. What straight guy dresses like that? For that matter what guy period dresses like that? And c'mon, I've caught him checking out my butt a few times."

Kairi rolled her eyes.

"You flatter yourself too much, Riku," Kairi replied.

"Says the girl who thinks that this whole ordeal is a teenage marriage proposal," Riku scoffed, "I know Sora and he's not gonna want to be strapped down with a wife and possibly kids until he doesn't need to keep hopping from world to world with that keyblade of his. No, you mark my words, he's going to come out of the closet tonight."

"Care to make a bet out of that?" Kairi said, a sneaky look in her eyes.

"Depends," Riku said after a few seconds, "What are the steaks?"

"Loser has to share a Paopu with Wakka," Kairi said smirking.

Both of them shuddered.

"Okay," Riku said, "You're one. Get ready to share a Paopu with the Blitzeball airhead."

"Shh," Kairi whispered to Riku, "Here he comes!"

Sora ran down the pier to the tree to meet his friends.

"Sorry I'm late," Sora announced, panting.

"No problem," Riku and Kairi said in unison.

"So what's the big announcement you were telling us about?" Riku asked, casually.

"I think I know," Kairi said giggling, "And the answer is yes."

"Wait... what?" Sora said perplexed.

"Oh c'mon, Kairi, you're way off base," Riku said arrogantly, "So admit it, I was right!"

"Huh?" Sora said again perplexed.

"I know my Sora-poo!" Kairi shouted, "And he doesn't swing that way!"

"Um..." Sora interjected only to be cut off by Riku.

"Oh and teenage marriage is SOOOO much more rational!" Riku said sarcastically.

"GUYS!" Sora shouted, "What's going on here?"

The two turned back to Sora.

"Kairi here thinks that you're going to propose to her," Riku stated.

"And Riku thinks that you're about to come out of the closet," Kairi added.

Sora laughed uncomfortably, "Uh, no and definitely no!"

Kairi and Riku's jaws dropped.

"Then WHAT is your big announcement?" Riku and Kairi said in unison.

"I've got a girlfriend!" Sora shouted, obviously thrilled.

"GIRLFRIEND?" Kairi shouted, "But... WHO?"

"Xion," Sora said as Xion walked out onto the peer.

"Her?" Riku asked surprised, "I thought she was dead!"

"B-but," Kairi stuttered, "If all you wanted was a brunette, I would have dyed my hair!"

"It's not that," Sora said, "Xion just understands me perfectly."

"She's made from YOUR mind!" Riku shouted.

"Yeah," Sora chuckled, looking longingly into Xion's eyes, "C'mon Xion. Let's give new meaning to the term Mind-fuck."

**AN: I can't believe you actually read it all the way though! You deserve a gold star. Sorry for that bizarre little story. Like I said, I wasn't right when I wrote it.**


End file.
